just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
