you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
