Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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