is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
