New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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