I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
