So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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