You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
