Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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