her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
