if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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