I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
