I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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