I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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