I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
