woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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