i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
