You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wish I only lived at night.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
