Less talking, more tequila
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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