apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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