that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
