I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
