I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
