i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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