How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
