Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
