Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
