physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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