from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Blood and glitter go together right?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
