You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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