I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
