The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Randomize
