Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
