a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
