The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
