I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
this is an emotional support booty call
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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