Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
