when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
