i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
