Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
