You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
