Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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