someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
