Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think your dad took our porno
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
