I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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