he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
