I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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