She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
