i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
