apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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