Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
