Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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