sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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