she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
